What I Wrote When We Started Dating

Whether you’ve been together for two years or you’ve never lived in the same place, writing a statement of purpose for your relationship can help you move forward with intentionality.

Businesses spend months brainstorming, planning and writing their mission and vision statements. While you don’t need to agonize over the process, the point is that writing things down helps you clarify your intentions and stay on track toward your destination.

And what is that destination? Well, the purpose of Christian dating is to determine whether you should get married. At a bare minimum, a purpose statement should acknowledge this goal.

But dating involves other good and godly pursuits, too, like learning to love like Christ, growing in holiness and enjoying your time together. Articulating these secondary purposes of dating (on your own or as a couple) can help you see the bigger picture of your relationship.

To give you an example, I’ve decided to share with you the statement of purpose I wrote and shared with my husband two weeks after we started dating. This statement isn’t perfect, but I chose not to edit it. If I could go back, I would add one thing: the commitment to be faithful to my boyfriend in my thoughts, feelings, and actions toward other men as long as we are together.

Below, in its entirety, is “My Purpose in Dating You.” I hope it helps you find a starting point to write your own statement.

Sample Statement of Purpose

“I am committing to loving you as a brother of Christ and learning more about who God created you to be through cautiously opening up my heart and life to you.”

“I want our relationship to radiate Christ’s sacrificial love and redeeming power to others and ourselves. I want us to always rely on God before each other and to constantly pursue His will before our own plans.”

“I want our relationship to result in something beautiful even if we break up by protecting each other’s emotional and physical purity, and helping each other grow in understanding of God’s design for the roles of men and women in marriage.”

“I want to embrace your friends and family as brothers and sisters in Christ, and for you to welcome mine, so that we may be encouraged and held accountable in Christian community, and learn to love those the other loves.

“Despite the apparent insanity of dating a man nearly 1,000 miles away, I promise to invest time and energy and emotion into getting to know you. And why? I am seeking a best friend to laugh with, a soulmate to dream with, a confidant to cry with, and a man to proclaim Christ with. In short, I am seeking a husband, and you are a very strong candidate.”

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Creating a statement of purpose can help you start your relationship in the right direction. But it’s not the only important conversation to have with your boyfriend. From the very beginning of a relationship, boundaries are powerful tools in your pursuit of sexual purity. Learn why and how to set them.

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