If you’re wondering how to be a godly girlfriend, you’re probably someone who’s seeking to be a godly woman.
I think that’s awesome. But if you recently started dating, the concept of being a godly girlfriend may be bewildering and overwhelming.
Your current situation reminds me of how I felt standing alone at an intersection in south Asia.
Honking cars, bicycles, motorcycles, buses and auto rickshaws whizzed by me in what seemed like sheer chaos to my Midwestern eyes.
I’d been crossing streets since I was a child, but this was completely different. I was terrified of making a wrong move.
Does that fear feel familiar as you face this new situation? If you’re unsure how to be a godly girlfriend, here are three encouragements.
1. You know how to walk with the Lord
As I stood at the intersection, I forgot I wasn’t completely helpless and alone.
The basic principles of crossing the street — get to the other side and watch for cars — hadn’t changed. I knew what to do.
In the same way, if you’re a follower of Christ, you know how to cross through difficult situations (James 1:12, Romans 5:3-5). And you know who will be there with you.
You know you need to watch out for the careening vehicles of Satan’s deception (1 Peter 5:8, Ephesians 6:16) and stay out of the pathway of temptation (Psalm 1:1, Proverbs 7:6-9).
Most importantly, you know how to walk in the ways of the Lord (Micah 6:8, 1 John 2:6).
God has already given you everything you need to be a godly girlfriend (2 Peter 1:3). The Scripture that’s helped you sift wisdom from lies is still sharp. The Holy Spirit who’s convicted your heart of sin is still active. The Son of God who died for you is still giving you grace.
The principles of living a godly life are the same whether you’re dating or single. The only difference is that you’re applying them in a new context — one that can present unexpected challenges.
2. Keep your eyes on what’s important
One of those challenges is getting distracted from what’s important.
The goal of crossing the street didn’t change when I was in a new country. In the same way, your purpose in life has not changed now that you’re dating (Philippians 3:12-14).
You exist to glorify God by enjoying Him forever. The key question a godly girlfriend regularly asks is, “How can I glorify God through dating my boyfriend?
The beauty of Christian dating is that when you focus on joy in Christ more than joy in your boyfriend, you end up with more of both (Psalm 37:4, 1 Timothy 6:6).
Far from being mutually exclusive, dating can be both fun and honoring to God. A godly girlfriend isn’t a boring girlfriend. But your focus must remain on Christ.
This may sound discouraging, but you will get sidetracked at some point. You will start to love your boyfriend in the place of God.
But in that moment, God will pursue you and extend you unfathomable grace. And you must humbly allow him to set you back on course — even if it means ripping your dating relationship away.
You will not be a perfect girlfriend. That’s why you trust in a perfect God. A godly girlfriend knows she needs God’s grace.
3. Walk with someone who’s been where you are
I soon learned a secret to safely crossing the road: wait for someone else and walk with them.
I could walk alone, but there was strength in numbers — particularly with people who’d walked that way before.
So, my final encouragement to you is to find a godly woman to mentor you — formally or informally. Think about someone in your life who is a godly girlfriend or a godly wife, and then think about how you can spend time getting to know her.
You may have some questions about situations your mentor isn’t familiar with — for example, if you’re in a long-distance relationship. For these types of questions, you can seek her advice while also exploring Christian resources on dating (like this website).
Here are some tips for finding a mentor. And here’s a book to guide mentoring conversations.
Going steady
Becoming a godly girlfriend starts by recognizing that you aren’t one and can never be one without Christ.
The girlfriend who tries to engineer the perfect relationship with a list of rules is not godly. She is simply afraid.
Relationships are risky, even godly ones. There’s incredible beauty in the journey, but it’s uncertain.
Christ is the one who will steady your soul. Remain steadfast in him.
